Sadness and Guilt
by Megamind-loves-Roxanne
Summary: Out by popular demand, here's "Sadness and Guilt"!!!! It's Hitomi's POV on the kiss. Please review!! Flames accepted that way I know how to improve!


Hi everyone

Hi everyone! WOW! I never expected to get so many reviews so quickly! I guess you guys really liked my story. That make's me soooooo happy!!!!! ^_^. Thank you for reviewing and because I got so many reviews, here's Hitomi's POV of the kiss. It takes place after Allen leaves her in her room (the time he told her to dry up and get some sleep because Millerna's wedding was tomorrow). Anyway's, enjoy this. If I get enough reviews (which I hope), I'll write a fanfiction that is based on this and has Van and Hitomi…oh, you'll just have to wait and see.

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Sadness & Guilt

By Jessica Hernandez-Loera (A.K.A. Hitomi_Fanel)

His footsteps fade as I hear him walk away from my room. I still think about it; the kiss that probably placed my friendship with Van on the line. Why? Why did I kiss Allen? What possessed me to do it? I do like him, maybe even love him, but that kiss just made me feel weird inside. And I felt like my heart was going to break into a thousand pieces when I saw Van and his hurt expression.

I walk over to my bed while the stars outside shine bright. I sit down on the edge and let my hands rest in my lap as I look down at the floor.

Why did Van look hurt? I know there is so much of him I don't understand but even though that's true…I feel like I know him inside and out. I'm just so confused.

When I saw Van for the first time, I thought he was good-looking, although really arrogant and mean. He didn't even thank me when I saved him from that dragon. To this day I still say he deserved that slap. Yet…something inside of me was screaming out something that I couldn't understand. A phrase. I didn't listen then, to that voice that kept nagging and tugging at my heart. I ignored it.

But I forgot about that feeling when I met Allen, (forgive the cliché) the heavenly knight of Asturia. I had thought he was the one from my dreams, the one I was searching for without really searching. Before meeting Van, or anybody, I had a dream where the earth below me broke open and swallowed me up. I screamed when from the darkness, came a light. It was a light that was pure bright. The scream seemed to stay in my mouth as I felt a hand grab me and support me, not letting me fall. I couldn't see his face since it was blinded by the light. And when I saw Allen, I thought that he was the one from my dream; the one I had about the angel. 

Even though I dreamt of Allen and having a date with him on Earth, I still made peace with Van. We hadn't really spent any time together (except for those times when I saved him), but we talked about our families and I saw a side to Van I didn't know was there. He can actually be a sweet person. He isn't arrogant, cocky and rude. He actually cares about the people around him. How can someone cocky and arrogant care about Merle and everyone in Fanelia? I don't see how that's possible.

But it seems that the friendship we had then has now been shattered into a million pieces. It was all because of that stupid kiss! Why? Why did I kiss him? I didn't even want to kiss him. I felt…forced into it. Like someone was making me kiss him. But if I didn't even enjoy the kiss, then how can I say that I love him? If I had loved him, then the kiss would have been blissful. Yet…it wasn't. Or maybe it was just because I felt like Allen still loved Millerna and she loved him. It might just be guilt. Guilt not only for that, but also because Van saw.

Why did he have that hurt look? Was it because he…no, it couldn't be that. But then why? I did always suspect that Van had a special feeling for me. It all began when Van's soul was lost to the land of the dead. I had finally woken him up when all of a sudden, the floor gave way beneath me. Van saw this and he used his wings to save me. But what surprised me the most was when we landed. Van held me SOOOO tight. No one had ever held me like that. It was as if he was trying to protect me from all danger.(Author's note: I don't really know if this part is true. If it isn't (I didn't see this episode. I only read a summary about what happened) then I apoligize for it not being accurate).

I sigh. Why did I do it? Why am I so fickle? I hate myself right now.

With one last sigh, I get out of my wet clothes and climb into bed. I lay my head on the soft pillow, letting one single tear fall down my cheek as wariness takes over. Millerna's wedding is tomorrow…I need to fix my relationship with Van…I need…

Okay! That's it. If you haven't already figured it out, Hitomi didn't finish because she fell asleep. But you probably knew that. So, did you like it? I tried my best to express how Hitomi felt about the whole thing but I don't think I succeeded. Van's POV is better. Or maybe it's because I know how Van feels about it but not Hitomi (not really). I'm more of a Van researcher, trying to figure out Van's feelings instead of anyone else's. So, did you like it? I want to write a continuation to this (better to say to the end of Escaflowne (what happens after they separate)) but I can't unless you don't review. So please review. And please visit my friend's Escaflowne fanfiction website that includes fanfiction by me, plus many other authors. Thanks for reading! http://www.angelfire.com/RPG/fanfiction Thanks again!


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